Nobody likes confrontation. It's not easy to give or receive. It's also easy to forget that not all instruction is doctrine. If you are going to give or receive reproof and correction, you are going to need to confront people. This is a skill you need to fine tune in your life.
2 Timothy 3:16 All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness:
Most confrontations are easy to do. A waitress forgets your coffee or someone accidentally trips you. Confrontations like this don't take an investment of emotion or a bunch of forethought to handle. Sometimes it's not so easy, however. Confrontation is still the loving thing to do. In this day of cancel culture and safe spaces it is more important than ever that we confront people so they can stand before God on the Day of Judgment and not be ashamed. It is that important. Sometimes confrontation is hard. People can and will sin against you, and that's where stressful antagonism and resistance can arise. Violence, slander, and gossip are genuine offenses that can burden anybody. Even smaller issues like a difference in opinion or preference can cause tensions. So how do you know if you should confront someone? And what should you do?
As a child, you learned to run to Mom or Dad or the school teacher to do your confrontations for you because you were unskilled in communicating directly with others. As a grownup individual, if you are still running to your minister or your best friend instead of handling things directly, you really need to work on developing this necessary skill of confrontation.
Matthew 18:15 Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.
We go in private to respect our brothers and sisters in Christ. We don't talk it over with the best friend, gossip to the neighbors or - worse yet - ignore the sin entirely. It's easy to head straight to Facebook or Twitter and address offenses with no responsibility. It takes courage to look at that person face-to-face and address the issue. Obviously, you need to pray and intercede spiritually before you speak to the person. It can cost something to reconcile conflict when we do what the Bible says. It's often uncomfortable. There is no tasty gossip to share, but we can gain restored fellowship with our friend and uphold truthfulness when we go to the offender first.
Time is not on your side. We are supposed to redeem the time because the days are evil. Don't put off dealing with a situation. Just like immediately mending a small tear in a garment prevents a much larger tear from developing, nipping a sin in the bud prevents it from growing into a bad habit or even demonic possession.
The book of Job is good instruction on confrontation.
Men and women in pain and grief may say or do foolish things. You handle them with love and compassion, not criticism. Job's miserable comforters got their information from the wrong spirit. Are we listening to the right spirit?
Many of the things Job's accusers said could have been appropriate in a different context or situation. Look. Have you ever been accused of things you did not do? Don't do that to other people. Check your facts with the person before you do or say anything. Ask the right questions first. Yes, people may lie to you or be nasty. You just do your best. There is a way to say the right things and a way to say what you need to say so that God's Will is honored and glorified. You are given the spirit to enable you to walk in love.
Don't forget to ask questions first. You can't assume you know exactly what's going on.
Proverbs 18:13 tells us to listen first, then answer.
If you're concerned about something you see in a person's life, explain what you see and ask for clarification to understand what's happening. Be humble, not a haughty miserable comforter.
When we confront, we demonstrate love and obedience to God. We also show our love for the person. It's not about our comfort. It's about the spiritual well-being of the other person. It is easy to rationalize and think: What if he gets mad? Or, suppose her feelings will get hurt? He's going to hate me! This indicates that we worship other people's opinions more than God's opinions. Be willing to face rejection.
This instruction in the Bible is for a brother. Suppose you are dealing with an unbeliever. It is essentially a witnessing situation, isn't it? You present the biblical principles involved and understand that different courses of action could be necessary to protect all affected. Spiritual matters seem foolish to a natural man, but confrontation is still relevant. It's a walk in love.
Now, Jesus instructs us that when one-on-one conflict resolution fails, we make the circle larger. This is when you may bring in other people. Nobody, however, likes stepping into a room with a surprise intervention waiting for them. Do not skip the private confrontation step.
Matthew 18:16-17 16But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. 17And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican.
After we have exhausted the confrontation options available to us, it may be necessary to part ways with an individual. This option will need to be carefully considered by the individuals involved and should not be a hasty rush to judgement.
Remember, reconciliation does not have to happen. Confrontation can get tough and your heart can get hurt.
Romans 12:18If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.
Remember, Nick taught us that forgiveness and reconciliation are different. Even if the relationship stops there, you did what you are supposed to do and God will cover.
This is not about getting back at somebody or getting revenge. This is about loving a person enough to help them in their walk. Expect God to give you the right words to say and approach each situation prayerfully.
Note: All scripture is from the King James Version unless otherwise noted. NIV indicates The New International Version, NKJV indicates the New King James Version, ASV means the American Standard Version, BBE means the Bible in Basic English, DBY means the Darby translation, NAU means the American Standard Version, 1995 Edition, and NAB means the New American Bible translation. For more information, go to the Works Cited page.