How to Reconcile

by Nicholas A. Catania

May 2004

Go to the previous issue.

I have taught many times on the subject of forgiveness. By way of review I'd like to go over some key points on this topic.

The word, "forgive" as used here means to release, set free; send away; send off; forgive.

Forgiveness and reconciliation are not synonymous. Forgiveness does not necessarily restore a relationship between two conflicting parties. Sometimes people try to use forgiveness to change others via an unspoken agreement that, if I forgive you, you will now stop the behavior that I have now forgiven you for. Forgiveness only has the power to change the one forgiving, not the one being forgiven. Remember the integrity and sincerity of the indebted offender is not critical for true forgiveness to be administered.

The power of forgiveness lies totally in the hands of the one holding the note. It has nothing to do with the one being forgiven, even if he refuses it.

Matthew 18:15-18 ¹⁵Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. ¹⁶But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. ¹⁷And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican. ¹⁸Verily I say unto you, Whatsoever ye shall bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever ye shall loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.

Now let's take a closer look at these instructions, for it's here that we will find our Lord's answer to the question of how to resolve strife. Jesus detailed for all time the steps that a believer should take to remedy strained relations with a fellow-believer:

a) The Christian who considers himself offended against should go privately to the one whom he feels has offended him.
b) If this does not resolve the conflict, then the saint who initiated the approach should take two or three fellow-saints with him for another meeting.
c) If b) does not work, then the church body is to be involved and is to act to discipline the recalcitrant brother.

Note, particularly, that it is the one who feels offended who is to initiate the remedy, not the "sinner" who might not even realize that he has offended anybody! Following this procedure, which calls for bringing these differences into the open, brings a rapid solution to the problem and avoids harboring secret grudges.

It certainly precludes voicing grudges to outsiders and thus prevents scandal and guards against polarization and divisions within the Church. Look at

NAB Proverbs 26:21 What a bellows is to live coals, what wood is to fire, such is a contentious man in enkindling strife. There will be no end to division in the church unless we are willing to put our pride and ego aside and move ahead for the common good of the gospel.

BBE Proverbs 26:20 Without wood, the fire goes out; and where there is no secret talk, argument is ended. Next time someone comes to you to voice a complaint against a brother or sister, don't add to their sin by putting wood on the fire. Remember Jesus said that the Christian who considers himself sinned against should go privately to the one whom he feels has offended him. What it doesn't say is that you should go around and voice your disapproval to anyone who will listen.

NIV Proverbs 26:17 Like one who seizes a dog by the ears is a passer-by who meddles in a quarrel not his own. There are some things in life that you are better off not getting involved in.

NLT Proverbs 16:28 A troublemaker plants seeds of strife; gossip separates the best of friends.

If you have a problem with a believer, according to Jesus you should go to the brother that offended you. If you go elsewhere according to verse 28 you are a troublemaker.

Let's go back to Matthew 18 and take a closer look at our Lord's instructions.

Matthew 18:15 Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.

Our lord uses five imperatives to describe how to handle strife in the church then and now. The first one listed is in verse 15 it's the word "Go". An imperative is a commandment.

The next imperative is found in the command "tell him his fault". We should note that the word alone is key. It's between you and him only if the hearts of everyone involved are tender the result will be swift and positive.

Matthew 18:15-16 ^15bif he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother ¹⁶But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.

Note if the first attempt fails the person offended is to continue the process until it gets resolved. This is why you must consider the matter deeply before you begin something you may not be willing to finish. The word "take" in verse 16 is our next imperative. If this does not get his attention the next step is verse 17.

Matthew 18:17 And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican.

The phrase "neglect to hear" means pay no attention to.

The next imperative listed is the word "tell." "Tell it unto the church:" It should be handled at the church level, and not before the entire world. You don't put a brother on trial to call another state, country, or the world. The church spoken of here is the local congregation.

In doing this, the goal still is to restore and hopefully get his attention so he may repent and be restored in fellowship as much as possible. If a sinner refused to accept church authority, he was then treated like a publican,. They simply had as little contact with them as necessary. They did not bless nor did they go out their way to curse them.

NLT 2 Corinthians 2:10-11 ¹⁰When you forgive this man, I forgive him, too. And when I forgive him (for whatever is to be forgiven), I do so with Christ's authority for your benefit, ¹¹so that Satan will not outsmart us, for we are very familiar with his evil schemes.

If the offender repents, receive him back into the fellowship. If we ignore this warning we will be working for the adversary and at that point we will have been deceived.

Matthew 18:18 Verily I say unto you, Whatsoever ye shall bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever ye shall loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven. The word bind is a legal term that means to declare liable, guilty.

"Shall be bound" is the perfect tense: "shall have been bound" (NASB).

The word loose once again is a legal term; (luo'): "to discharge, declare not liable or innocent."

"Shall be loosed" is the perfect tense again, "shall have been loosed."

The reason Jesus gave these rules is that Satan will attack the Church (Matthew 16:18, and see II Corinthians 2:11) in an endeavor to destroy its witness by sowing sin and/or dissension in its ranks.

For this reason, and no doubt, also because of His love for the Church (Eph 5:23-32), Jesus made a special privilege available to those who will ask for it in times of disagreement. He promised them that they would know the mind of Heaven on the dispute. The beauty of the assurance of verses 18-20 is that if we pray in Christ's name when judging a matter like this, we have His assurance that He will guide our decision to agree with the decision already reached in Heaven.

Why should God be so concerned to preserve this harmony? Here are two major reasons: first, the Church is the body of Christ; so any disharmony is a sickness within the body, and God the Father does not want sickness in His Son's body. Second, the effectiveness of a church in its function in the world is seriously handicapped by disharmony, and more particularly by strife. Our Lord used five imperatives in this section;

This grammatical fact clearly emphasizes that if a believer does not follow these procedures he is willfully disobeying his Lord. The imperatives are:

1. Go to the sinning brother.
2. Tell him his fault alone
3. Take with you one or two witnesses.
4. Tell it to the church.
5. Let him be as a heathen and tax collector.

These are clear and concise commands, even if unpleasant; so it behooves every true believer to pay close attention to implementing them in his or her life. ÿ

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Note: All scripture is from the King James Version unless otherwise noted. NIV indicates The New International Version, NLT indicates the New Living Translation, NASB indicates the New American Standard Bible version, NKJV indicates the New King James Version, ASV means the American Standard Version, NJB means the New Jerusalem Bible, BBE means the Bible in Basic English, DBY means the Darby translation,  NAU means the American Standard Version, 1995 Edition, NLT means the New Living Translation, and NAB means the New American Bible translation.  For more information, go to the Works Cited page.